Perry: And hopefully NOT her boyfriend Ray...

Amélie: Yes, and I pray NOT with her boyfriend RAY...And by our journey's end we hope to prove once and for all that the Wild Pig of Ouachita is not merely a fable as some believe of the Loch Ness monster or Big Foot, but rather a noble creature living out its life in the wilds of the Ouachitas, free and unfettered by social conventions. Perry? Are we ready?

Perry: (His "thumbs up" appears in the frame) 'Eyyyyy!

Amélie: And with that seal of approval, I declare this trip afoot.

(Amélie smiles and walks toward the camera. Perry doesn't turn the camera off so Amélie eventually eclipses the frame.)

Amélie: Turn it off, Perry, Jeez! Let's not waste film! (CUT)

EXT: Somewhere deep in the wilds of the Ouachita National Forest

The camera is filming while Amélie walks ahead. All we see of her is her back and her backpack as she and Perry walk (and Perry films). Everything we see is from Perry's point of view. Amélie tries to narrate as they walk--occasionally she looks back at the camera as she speaks.

Amélie: It's a lovely day--overcast but not very humid as is the norm in this area. We have seen and identified several native species of birds and Perry has recorded them with his digital camera so that we may upload them to our Looza site. Well, I should say, so that our trusty webslinger Sage may upload them to our Looza site. We like Sage, don't we Perry?

Perry: Ack! We like Sage but we don't like that RAY.

Amélie: (Stops and faces the camera) Perry. Don't even invoke his name. Speak it and he may appear.

Perry: Ack! Ack!

(Amélie turns and continues walking)

Perry: When is Sage supposed to meet us, anyway?

Amélie: Early this evening. She and Colette had to dress Dwight Yoakam for some function he's going to tonight. They're his keepers, you know.

Perry: I know. Maybe they should suggest he stay away from pale summer colors this time.

Amélie: You're referring to what he wore to the ALL THE PRETTY HORSES premiere, aren't you? I  know, they completely strayed off Dwight's palette, what could they have been thinking?

Perry: I don't know. Cheryl did a much better job dressing Russell Crowe for the Oscars, did you notice?

Amélie: Well, I think it's much easier to stay within Russell's season. Now my Sam Elliott, *that's* another story... 

(Suddenly Perry and the camera stop. Amélie keeps walking and talking, unaware. Perry focuses on something laying on the trail.)

Perry: Amélie! What the hell is this??

Amélie: (Stops and turns) What?

Perry: This. (He zooms in on the strange looking bundle) What is it?

(Amélie walks over to Perry. The camera only shows Perry and Amélie's shoes and the object on the ground between them.)

Amélie: Ewww. Reminds me of the rat invasion in my guest room toilet the other day.

Perry: See what it is.

Amélie: ...YOU see what it is.

Perry: I can't. I'm running the camera.

Amélie: Well for God's sake! (she kneels next to the object) It appears to be some kind of bundle.

Perry: (nudges it with his foot) That almost looks like a...napkin or a piece of cloth...and it's tied up with---what *is* that? 

Suddenly we hear something that sounds like wailing faintly in the distance.

Amélie: Listen!

Perry: What!?

Amélie: Shhh! (She cocks her head) Did you hear that? (The wailing continues but we can't make out the direction of the sound.) We've got to check that out!

Perry: Why??

Amélie: Perry. The whole purpose of this journey is to get evidence that the Wild Pig of Ouachita exists. Now you agreed to be my camera man, don't flake out on me now. (She struggles to her feet) Come on! Here, hand me your other camera so I can back you up.

(Perry rummages around off camera than hands Amélie another video camera. She turns it on. We see through Amélie's lens at times, than Perry's. Now we see Amélie's point of view (POV) and Perry looks ghostly white.)

Amélie: OK, let's go see what that noise is.

Perry: I'm right behind you.

(Slowly Amélie unzips the tent's flap. It is even darker outside the tent--her camera's light slices through the darkness like a laser beam. She pans the camera and the light around and we see trees and thick brush. Perry moves in behind her and he looks around the other way. Perry's POV is much the same as Amélie's. The wailing has stopped, but now it starts up again only this time it sounds like shouts and curses. Amélie pans her camera to the right. Something reflects her light. She gestures to Perry)

Amélie: Look!

Perry: WHAT!?

Amélie: I just saw something. Over there! (She moves toward the reflection.) Something is there!

(Amélie's POV: something is indeed glowing nearby.)

Amélie: Let's go!

(She charges toward the glow. Reluctantly Perry follows. He films her running in front of him. Suddenly the glow turns red. Amélie stops short.)

Amélie: WHAT THE F*CK IS THAT!!! WHAT THE F*CK IS THAT!!! (In terror she and Perry try to run.) Oh my God!

Perry: Ack! Ack!!

(Amélie runs hard into something and Perry trips over her. Both cameras film their respective operator falling. There is a lot of scrambling and confusion. Amélie finally steadies her camera and focuses on something looming over her. We hear Amélie and Perry gasping in fear. Amélie's light focuses on Ray's scowling face. The red glow is his freshly lit cigarette.)

Ray: G*dda*mit! Motherf*cker! Sheyut! You damn near made me lose my f*cking cigarette yuh bi*ch!